RECOVERY - Day 13, Long night, long day

All day I kept thinking about writing, but I was either too busy or too tired.  

On a good note, I found several 4-leaf clovers today, and a patch of some unusual ones that fool me into thinking they have 4 leaves, but they don't.

 

That first night managing the feeding tube and pump felt a little like a first night home with a new baby.   Peter isn't a baby, of course, but figuring out the timing of the formula, and having to wake up to re-fill it, and two other times when the alarm went off (the tube had kinked) felt a lot like those long-ago sleepless nights, and equally well worth it.

Peter used to be a very light sleeper, but the hospital taught him to sleep right through beeping alarms and people (me) coming in and fiddling with things.  At least I am not sticking him.

I learned the wake-up-and-go-back-to-sleep skill when I was an RA (dorm mother) at Hendrix College in AR and then here at Duke.  I think I once put out a small fire and fell right back to sleep.

I think we officially graded this a less than so-so day.  Peter doesn't feel well, but he did manage to get three walks in.  The first was with Amanda, and the second two with me.  I had to prod a bit for the third, but he was glad he did it.

Still no voice, so email him to get in touch.  

The night before Peter came home from the hospital I had planned to stay in Durham, but he went to bed so early it seemed silly not to drive on home.  Holli Crawford was farm-sitting, and together we managed to sign ourselves up for a triathlon in May.  It is a relatively easy one..with a 2 mile run, 10 mile bike ride, and 225 yard swim.  So today I took myself out for a run, and it felt great.  I didn't worry about speed (not that I ever do), but I just kept moving.  It improved my spirits considerably, and I hope that the sleep that I do get tonight will be deeper because of it.

My friend Rose Wilson keeps her horse, Virgil, here and was out riding today.  Rose has had her share of hospital visits, many of them as the result of horse activities.  She came up to the porch where we were sitting and found us feeling a bit glum.  Later she wrote this to me, and she really described the mood we were sitting in:

I was telling John about how Peter was doing, and he and I both remembered that big emotional letdown after coming home from the hospital. It’s as though you have to be holding it together while you’ve got the hospital staff around you all the time, and you’re having to be cooperative with what they’re doing for you, and then when you get home and can let go a bit, all the feelings of weariness, sadness and anxiety come flooding in. I know he knows that he just has to let them come--going with the flow is the easiest way through. I expect you’re feeling much the same, Susan.

I think we both felt better for having had Rose articulate what the day felt like.

I just re-filled the bag with the formula that feeds Peter through the night.  We have 5 hours before it needs the last two cans.  Time for us to try to get some sleep.  Hoping for no alarms.