Thursday, November 27, 2014

From some friends

The note below, from friend Jay Cunningham, is self explanatory.  What a gift for Peter.  Enjoy!

Peter and Susan,

On Sunday, November 23rd, 2014 a group of musicians collected at the Chameleon in Durham.  Linked by their friendship with Peter, they paid tribute to him and played a few songs.  Members of the groups recalled their relationship to each other and to Peter who often introduced them to each other or to certain songs that have been favorites over the years.  Many of the musicians met at Duke in the early 70s and appeared on Peter's radio show.  Some were in groups with Peter - the Flashbacks or Green River. 

In attendance (in alpha order):

Mike Bisdee - guitar
Michael Borstleman - mandolin and guitar
Billy Stevens - keyboard, harmonica, vocals, more
Toni Stevens - vocals
Jay Cunningham - guitar and vocals
Al Dawson - guitar and vocals
Charlie Ebel - guitar and vocals
Janet Stolp - guitar and vocals
Robert Truesdale - bass
Rodger Tygard - drums and bongos
Lew Wardell - bass

Videos have been uploaded to a special YouTube channel "Peter K" (kind of like "Murray the K" or "Coach K") here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCD4AMdWxNwVUfRlqT0GS6HQ/feed  This is a public channel so you can share it friends and relatives. 

I uploaded them in the order they were performed, so you should view them in reverse order as they appear on the You Tube channel.

Speaking for everyone who was there, this was a joy to contribute to and a good excuse to get together and share memories and friendships!

P.S.  I also uploaded a couple videos to my own channel recorded at a recent Claptones practice.  These were recorded especially for Peter to watch and enjoy! 


The Claptones are:

Al Dawson on guitar
Mike Gallimore on bass
Rick Parks on guitar
Jay Cunningham on vocals
Brian Murray on drums

Happy Thanksgiving from Down Yonder Farm

Greetings!

I had to look back at what I wrote in the last post.  I see that we were still hoping to make it to NY for the family Thanksgiving gathering, and that didn't happen.  Amanda, Alejandro, Jessie, Matt, and Levin did make it, though, and are all with Peter's mom, Sunny, and his sister, Karen, in Rye, NY, right now.  Sunny called this morning just thrilled with Levin's presence in her home.


All but Sunny will head into the city for the evening gathering.  If Levin wasn't a party boy before, he will be now.  He will be covered in kisses all evening I am sure.  I will really miss being there.


Peter and I are appreciating a really quiet day here.  Things have been way too busy, but now all the medical equipment has been delivered and appointments scheduled, and Peter's sister will be here on Monday.  We're moving into this next phase of life.


I see that I posted this last time:   "Talking on the phone is difficult for Peter, as it causes him to cough, and he doesn't have strength for visitors right now."  


This remains true.  But you need to know that answering calls and retrieving messages is very stressful for me now, too.  I want to concentrate my energies on taking care of Peter, and he needs more of me now.  I changed our phone messages to ask you not to call or leave messages.  Please respect that request.  If I see a message, I will assume it is urgent.


But email works!  Peter is active on his tablet when he is awake, and loves hearing from you.  So email away.  Tell him funny stories and send him pictures.  Upbeat messages are best (he says).  I am on email, too, and Facebook.

Ages ago I found this article and it was really meaningful to me, not only with Peter's illness, but it helped me with challenges that friends have gone through.  I hope it might help you in your own challenges, or in dealing with the suffering of others:  RING THEORY.


I know what the urge to help feels like when a friend is in crisis, and we appreciate all of the offers that have come from you.  My high-school friend, Michele, who lost her husband several years ago, advised me to respond by handing out tasks.


That will come, but right now tasks require some orchestration, and we don't have the energy for that.  For me, doing the things that need doing is feels good to me right now--part of the rhythm of life.  But Peter and I started a list and, when the time is right, I'll post it.  


For now, just accept our appreciation for your offers, and if you have something specific in mind, send an email.


Much love from Down Yonder Farm,
Susan and Peter



Thursday, November 20, 2014

THREE YEARS AND COUNTING...


On November 17, 2011 Peter received his original cancer diagnosis. We have had tough times, ups and downs, and fortunately lots of quality time as a family and wonderful goings-on on the farm since then.  One of those will be happening tonight (see last
paragraph).

 ************************
The last time we wrote anything here was in May 2014, on the way home from Peter's scan in Philadelphia --with good news that the tumor had shrunk and should continue to shrink.  The doctor mentioned one tiny spot elsewhere that "was probably nothing," and we headed off to the airport where I thumbed that hasty post that described the doctor as "enthusiastic."

 And then life resumed its busy-ness.  We welcomed our first grandchild (a boy, Levin, born to Jessie and Matt Gladdek) on July 1.  Peter continued all of his volunteer activities and daily swimming.  I signed on to teach Servant Leadership again and also took on a curriculum project with the Episcopal Service Cops.

All of which brought us to the tail end of summer and the 3-month scan on August 4th (report on the 5th).  Peter was in NY visiting him mom and took the train down to Philly.  I flew in from Fayetteville, NC which (who knew?) offered a cheap flight.

We did not meet Dr. Enthusiastic this time.  The tumor had not continued to shrink as predicted, but had grown.  The "probably nothing" spot had grown, too, and three other small sites of metabolic activity had been detected.  The doctor urged chemotherapy and said that he could later "spot weld" (radiate) some of the metastases if necessary.

******************
I can't see that I ever wrote about our first encounter with Dr. James Tulsky and Duke's Palliative Care Center.  It would have been in late 2013, after the recurrence had been diagnosed and after radiation (at Duke) was taken off of the treatment options.

Thankfully Dr. Tulsky, in his kind, thoughtful, and meticulous style, walked Peter through what chemotherapy-- the only option available at Duke-- could and could not do.  Peter did not choose chemo at that time.  Had he been on those toxic drugs when he developed the pneumonia in January 2014, he well may not have survived that bout.

The events of his month in Philadelphia (February 2014) are all recorded in previous blog entries, all ending with that brief post in May.

******************************

After our return from Philadelphia in August we began meeting with Dr. Tulsky again.  I should give a shout-out to our physician-friend Dr. Sharon Van Horn for putting us in touch with Dr. Tulsky just over a year ago.  Palliative Care is not an end-of-life program, but one to provide guidance and comfort to those diagnosed with serious illness. 

Dr. Atul Gawande's excellent book, Being Mortal, will tell you a lot about Palliative Care and difficult choices.  Dr. Tulsky has guided Peter through the maze of chemotherapy options and has helped him see the realities behind the sometimes vague statements from the oncologist (such as, "It might do some good").

Last week Peter enrolled in Duke's Hospice Care.  These days they recommend that patients enroll very early.  Right after signing on Peter suffered a third bout of aspiration pneumonia.  With the immediate availability of the hospice nurses and Dr. Tulsky, Peter got on the medications he needed quickly, and I have had someone to call with questions about Peter's needs and my caregiving.

"Some people graduate from Hospice," Dr. Tulsky told us.  I am praying that Peter is one of those people.  In the meantime, this is a level of care I've never seen before, an am so grateful that it is available to Peter (to us), and so much of it based in our home.

*****************

Back in September, Peter's mother, Sunny Drimmer, made the trip from NY to NC in one day (down and back) to spend a few hours with her great-grandson, Levin.  Late in October she fell ill  and was hospitalized for a time, but she is now back home in Rye, NY, with home care.  We all have plans/flights to visit her and other family members at Thanksgiving, but we’re not sure as of today if Peter can make it.

******************

On November 8th Peter performed in the 8th Murphey School Radio Show.  Prior to that his band, Red's Rhythm had a few fun gigs, and last week he had a blast when Ryan Stolp, (son of our friends Janet and Brett) spoke to Peter's Grange meeting about his mountaineering feats. 

Until this week he was counseling patients on Wednesday nights and meeting with his VA writing group on Thursday mornings.  Now he is taking a break from all outside activities until he feels better.

But tonight (20th) we are hosting a return visit by singer-songwriter Heather Maloney here at Down Yonder Farm.  We’ve got lots of help making this happen.  Heather performed here last year with a group called Darlingside, and she immediately became one of my favorite artists.

Life has been really good to us.  We hope that Peter recovers his strength and stamina soon.  Meanwhile, a great deal of rest is called for. However, no doubt that he'll at least make an appearance at the concert tonight.

Talking on the phone is difficult for Peter, as it causes him to cough, and he doesn’t have strength for visitors right now.  I will do my best to keep this blog updated and hopefully he’ll be on the phones and out and about very soon.  

Thanks for all of your love and care.


Susan

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Good news!

We are at the airport heading home.  I am typing on my phone and can't see what I am typing.  But we got good news and the doc was enthusiastic.  More details later.  Thanks for all the good wishes.
PK & SG


Saturday, May 3, 2014

Life in a Bubble

[BY SUSAN]

Peter's grandmother kept a diary and tended to write most often when she was angry or upset.   We seem to be keeping to that trend...not with anger, of course, but writing here when there is something going on medically, and laying low and quiet when things are, well, normal here on the home front.

Actually things have been better than normal.  From my perspective Peter has been in better overall health - energy and stamina and spirits - since well before his diagnosis in November 2011.

He returned from Philly to get his NC dose of the interminable winter and thankfully was here with his chain saw when the unpredicted ice storm brought down so many trees.  Jessie and Matt and their friends came out to help clear it all away, and fortunately little actual damage was done.

Since then Peter has re-stocked the sheds with firewood for next year - to replace the astonishing amount I burned during the cold month while he was in Philly.  He has moved back into his routines - volunteering, seeing friends, counseling a couple of clients each week, pouring over the paper every morning, exercising most every day, and lastly, watching old episodes of West Wing with me most every night.

He kept putting off making the appointment to go back to Philadelphia for a scan, and after a few weeks I quit asking.  We like this bubble and don't want to leave it.

But now the appointment is scheduled for Monday, May 5th and we'll see the doctor on Tuesday before heading back home.  We're hoping that feeling so good translates into good news from the scan.

To distract myself I decided to fly up a day early and attend the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival, which is nearby, just outside of Baltimore.  image - 2014 Catalog CoverThe kids and I used to go every year, even bringing sheep to show at least once.  Amanda and I came together last year.  It is a huge festival with more than I can possibly take in in one day, but I'll enjoy every second of it...a mini vacation that feels right after the long winter.

After a brief hiatus I resumed writing my bi-weekly columns in the Herald-Sun.  Since leaving my job at the beginning of February, I've had a hard time "coming down" from the busy schedule I kept.  My last two columns have been about time and our perceptions of it.  Here's a link to one:
 http://www.heraldsun.com/chherald/chcolumnists/x2025293720/None-of-us-should-have-to-live-on-a-racetrack.  The one coming out this Sunday is about the Sky Mall catalog on our last flight.

Speaking of leaving my job, they threw a heckova going-away party for me.  It was a fundraiser as well, and I hope that it brought in lots of $ for the next class of interns.  Here are a few pictures.  It was a real highlight to have Solita there (middle photo).  I wrote about her accident in an earlier post.  The first photo is me reacting to an embarrassing story told by Ebeth Scott-Sinclair, and the last is all the alumni who could make it to the event.


That's about it here.  I just wanted to get something posted before flying out to the festival.  Peter will join me the next day.  Thanks to all.

Susan

Friday, March 28, 2014

[BY SUSAN]

My sister reminded me that we haven't written a blog in a while.  I'd started one post, which I'll include below, but my aspirations for posting it with pictures and the whole shebang exceeded the time I was ultimately willing to give it.  This is in part because Peter and I have taken to watching West Wing in the evenings, and that was usually when I'd eke out time to write a blog.

But to catch you up, Peter is doing VERY well, and here's a picture to prove it:


In my file I titled this "Wood Choppin' Man" as a joke, because we often hear people say, "choppin' wood," when the better terms are "cutting" (when you're taking the tree down) and "splitting," (turning fat logs into smaller pieces)  which what Peter has been doing a lot of lately since the two March ice storms we've endured.  He's cut, split, and stacked a whole year's worth of wood or better, which is good, because we've burned about two winter's worth of wood in this one season...it has been so darned long and cold!

Peter and I have not made the trek back to Philadelphia for a follow up scan.  I think we both want to leave well enough alone since things are so good, but I have a hunch someone from there will be calling before long.  I am hoping we can hold off until after Easter/Passover, since we're going to visit family then.

Well, so that I can get this posted, finally, I am just going to append what I had written earlier, slightly edited so you can tell that it is from today and not from two weeks ago.  Yeah, it is about the weather.  Is there anything else to talk about?
----------------------

EARLIER POST

During the big snow storm that happened while Peter was in Philadelphia I found myself composing a blog while doing the various and numerous chores that kept me busy.  On my mind was the fact that I was being particularly careful, knowing that I was here alone.

That fact came home to me one afternoon as I dragged a hose out to fill one of the deep water troughs.  I have to feed the hose through a wooden fence, hook it to the trough, and then walk around, through a gate to the other side to position it for the water to flow in.

That afternoon I must have been rushed or impatient because as I reached through the fence to hook the hose to the trough, I started experimenting with wriggling through.  Could I get far enough to avoid having to trot the short way around?

But I stopped when I realized the possibility of getting stuck and spending a long and possibly fatal night halfway through a fence with my head dangling over an empty water trough (and probably nibbled on by curious equines).  With that realization came the giggles, imagining such a scene, and I really did have trouble extracting myself because I think the laughter swelled my rib cage.

But dangers are real.  Our hound dog, Schley, has a bum leg and has to be confined to a longish line.  Every time I moved her or had to walk through her space (usually carrying wood) I was aware that she seemed eager to cut my feet out from me with that line.  One afternoon I startled one of the ponies with the wheelbarrow and her hooves flew - nowhere close to me, but they were another reminder of how quickly an accident could happen.  I tried to remember to keep my phone in my pocket, though it doesn't work that well out here.

Now that Peter is home we've had several other snow/ice events followed by tastes of spring, and then more cold winds blowing in with those near-fifty-degree one-day drops in temperature.  If I didn't have to handle another horse blanket this winter I would be thrilled, but I am not holding my breath.  Yesterday, on Facebook, I posted a picture of the snow shovel in its spot on the front porch.  I am afraid to move it for fear of tempting the snow gods to pour down on us once again.  Next week is April, so hopefully...


We lost power with the big ice storm, as did many of our NC friends, and it was off four full days.  Thankfully I had filled a barrel with water at the last minute (when you live in the country, no power means no water), and as soon as the lights fell I had pans all over the woodstove, one labeled "washing" and one labeled "cooking," plus various pots of soup and even baked potatoes (it can be done).  After the ice came the summer temperatures and it was too warm for the stove, but I kept it going low for water and cooking.

Every evening we drove 5 miles to our friends' Joe and Geri's palatial home for a luxury shower, and twice we went out to eat with them.  Coming to their fine house from our dark home with the pan-covered woodstove made me feel like the country cousins, or perhaps even the Clampetts, heading to town for their weekly (or monthly) shower.  We could have put a tub in front of the wood stove, old-timey style, but it was good to have a real shower and lights in town.

I am grateful that we can handle a lengthy power outage, but it sure was a happy evening when the power came back on.  As full disclosure, we DID get the generator running, but it can't handle much more than a few lights and the freezer.  I am going to look into a system (solar?) that can power the well and the water heater.  Oh yes.

Well, that's it for now.  Thanks to you all.




Tuesday, February 25, 2014

".....The Rainbow I've Been Praying For "

[BY PETER]

To paraphrase Barney Fife, I'm gratefully humble and humbly grateful for the treatment I received in Philadelphia. From the reception/intake staff to the radiation technologists, the nurses, the nurse practitioner, the registered dietition, and doctors, everyone was welcoming, thoughtful, and skilled. Aside from occasional dehydration, I've had no uncomfortable side-effects from the 20 radiation segments. 

I'm back to more regular exercise and look forward to weightlifting at the Triangle Sportsplex, where I was placed in the Boys' Modified Limited Junior Dare-To-Dream Division. This is a special group for adult men who can't lift anything greater that 50 ibs. on their best day.


Man in my group

Susan mentioned the rainbow we saw at the Trenton airport. The posting's title is a lyric from Johnny Nash's great 1973 recording of "I Can See Clearly Now", one of the first successful reggae recordings in the U.S.

Photo of Johnny Nash by Chris Walter , reference; n17010a,www.photofeatures.com
The great Johnny Nash

I'd always wanted to be in a band that included this song in their playlist and with Red's Rhythm finally got the opportunity. On Saturday night we got to play this song and others at a benefit for a program based in Wake Forest called Mercy for America's Children (www.mac-cares.org). 

MAC was started by some friends of Stacey's who adopted two boys from foster care. Their mission is to educate and support the public on adoption issues so that children will have permanent homes. It was high on the best-ever gig list, as we played three hours without a break for an enthusiastic, energetic crown who loved to dance. 

Roger Jones, Frank Hunter, Wayne Watkins (drums), Stacey Curelop, Peter Kramer, Leon Patillo, and Jay Tun

On Saturday March 1, there are a bunch of cool events to attend. For readers who have never attended the Murphey School Radio Show, check out this great TV segment that was on WUNC-TV last week: 
http://video.unctv.org/video/2365182216/. I'll be a participant in the 3 PMshow but can't make the 7 PM production, as our band had committed early on to play at Durham's Blue Note Grill the same night. So if you can't make the Radio Show, Red's Rhythm would love to see you at the BNG starting at 8:30 PM. Finally, on Saturday morning, my civic club, the Schley Grange hosts a community breakfast, a fundraiser for our various programs--all the sausage, eggs, gravy, ham, etc., that you care to eat. Please call me if you have questions about any of these events.

Susan, Jessie/Matt, Amanda/Alejandro, and I continue to be overwhelmed by the kindness and thoughtfulness of friends and family.

Regards--PK