Platelets for Peter (2/10/15), PeterFest (4/18/15), and Peter's Mom

Greetings,

It has been a long few weeks...8 as of this past Sunday.  The time has gone slowly.  The time has flown.  Time doesn't seem like itself anymore.

I haven't known how to use this blog going forward.  Perhaps it will find its own use as plans unfold for the Down Yonder Fund for the Arts, and also for PeterFest.  But first...

PLATELETS FOR PETER - February 10th

Most of you know that Peter was a regular platelet donor at the Red Cross.  Not only did he give, but he recruited donors and at times organized friends (and family) to donate at the same time...a kind of party atmosphere.

Our good friend Holli Crawford and the Red Cross' Mary Spradlin teamed up to schedule another such event for Peter on February 10th.  DONORS ARE STILL NEEDED.  Here is the information:

The Red Cross is planning a Platelet Donation Day as a memorial for our friend, Peter Kramer, on Tuesday, February 10, 2015, at the American Red Cross Donation Center in Durham. This promises to be a day filled with food, music, and fond remembrances of Peter. Please join us on this day with a platelet donation in his honor. We have openings from 7 am to 2 pm. Please reply to this email (barry.mckillop@redcross.org) with a time that fits your schedule and I will respond with a slot as close to your request as possible. Help us to make this a loving and sharing day for Peter’s family and friends.

For those who have never donated platelets, they mainly are used to help cancer patients. The donation starts out just like whole blood, but instead of taking a pint of blood, we only take a quarter cup of platelets from the blood stream thru a filter method and then we reintroduce all the remaining blood products which include your white and red cells and most of your plasma back to your body thru your other arm. Please plan to spend about 2.5 to 3 hours with us that day. While doing the donation however, you are given the ability to watch TV or a movie of your choosing as you have your own video screen and headphones at your donation chair. You may also talk and share memories of Peter.

You should eat a good meal the night before and breakfast and get a good night’s rest. Also, drink plenty of water a few days before coming in and try to increase your calcium intake by eating more yogurts, milk and ice cream. To make sure your iron is ok, try not to drink any caffeine products the day before or the day of. You must also refrain from all aspirin products or any antibiotics 2 full days prior to coming in and bring a picture ID. We look forward to seeing you on February 10th..
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PETERFEST 2015 - April 18th, 1:00 p.m.

I think it was on our second date that Peter started telling me what music he wanted played at his funeral.  He has added and subtracted some over the years, but the list has stayed pretty consistent.  Does anyone know Dickie Betts?  Peter really wanted him to come play Blue Sky.  In lieu of that, I have a list that Peter gave me in late November.  

We could not pull this together for the gathering that took place 12/13 (thanks to all of you who came) and since we had to wait, we decided to wait for spring and outdoor weather.

So, we have a date and we have a time - Saturday April 18th, starting at 1 p.m.  The afternoon will consist of a service and then a re-gathering at the farm, much like the event of 12/13/14 but with more structure this time.  We're calling it PeterFest!

More details will follow.  Please email downyonderfarm@gmail.com with your name and email address to be sure that we have you on the list to get information.
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SUNNY GINZBERG DRIMMER 02-23-1926 TO 01-28-2015

We are sad to report that Peter's mother, Sonia (Sunny) Ginzberg Drimmer died early on the morning of January 28th.  Sunny was a delightful person, a grandmother par excellence, and a loving mother-in-law who checked in on me frequently following Peter's death.  Peter's ability to remember song lyrics no-doubt came from his mother who knew every show tune ever written.

Sunny called me on the 27th, and Jessie spoke with her that afternoon as well.  She made a solo trip down in September to meet her great-grandson, Levin.  That turned out to be the last time she saw Peter.  Sunny will be sorely missed, and our thoughts are with her daughter, Karen, her granddaughters Jessie and Amanda, with her brother, David, and her sisters-in-law, neices, and nephews.

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Thank you all for keeping up with the blog.

The Gathering

I think that the adage, "build it and they will come" applies to this day (Saturday the 13th) and this place.

Peter (and I) built it (with a little help from friends), and Jessie, Amanda, and I just offered an invitation  to gather and remember Peter.  

You came.  The weather was perfect, and all day I felt more happy than sad because I knew Peter would be so thrilled with the crowds and the music and the conversations and the food (Thank you Lynden, Mary Ann, Ori, Geoff, and all the others who helped and brought food and played music).

We have 170 names of guests collected so far but I keep remembering faces and people I spoke with and then realizing that these names weren't in the guest book.  So, if you were here but didn't sign the guest register, please let me know!  Even if we spoke that day, please remind me that you were here.

Along with the guest book, we had a beautiful Memory Tree created by our dear friend Holli Crawford Patillo.  If you didn't get a chance to write a note, feel free to send one to the address given below, and I'll get it on the tree.  This might just serve as my Christmas Tree this year. 

My only regret was not being able to be in two places at once....both in the music barn, and out among the friends who were here.  Jessie, Amanda, and I are all so blessed to have you in our lives.

The music that I did hear was spectacular, and people kept coming up to me wide-eyed over the quality of what music was coming out of the barn.

Here are a few pictures from Saturday, December 13th:  

We plan to keep the music going through the Down Yonder Fund, started to honor and continue Peter's legacy of generosity and hospitality.  

Among the creative things that have happened out here are album recordings.  Hiss Golden Messenger's Lateness of Dancers is topping the charts.  They played on Letterman on 11/18 and just toured all over Europe (http://www.mergerecords.com/hiss-golden-messenger).  

Yep, that album was recorded right here along with Alice Gerrard's Follow The Music, which has been nominated for a grammy.

So far close to $5,000 has been donated to the Down Yonder Fund.  Peter had the opportunity to add his voice to this vision.  We have a draft of a mission statement going and it will be along the lines of:

Following the example of generosity and hospitality exhibited through the life of Peter Kramer, the Down Yonder Fund for the Arts will utilize space and resources of Down Yonder Farm to foster the development of artists of all genres through:

·         Retreats, recording sessions, classes, and performances

·         Opportunities for collaboration and

·         The sharing of art forms that bring joy and healing to people

The “Down Yonder Fund” (the official title) will enable us to keep three buildings here on the farm in use for artists – The Music Building with its “Green Room” that many of you have enjoyed in different ways, The Writer’s Cabin, where some great writers have completed their books already, and new to the list is a tiny one-person cabin for overnight stays.  In addition to providing these spaces for use, the Down Yonder Fund will enable the necessary upfitting of these spaces with adequate restroom/cooking facilities and automobile access and parking. 

We will be working on fuller descriptions of these dreams and a budget in the new year, and many of you will be involved in the visioning.  But we are accepting donations and appreciate the Shared Visions Foundation for hosting the fund for us.

We have an online giving mechanism in place that you will see to the right of this post.  You can further Peter’s Musical legacy by sending checks made out to “Shared Visions Foundation”  with “Down Yonder Fund for Peter Kramer” in the memo line.  The mailing address is Susan Gladin, P.O. Box 985, Hillsborough, NC   27278. 

I don't know how this blog will be used in the future except to give you updates on the upcoming memorial service (date to be determined after the holidays) and news about events here on the farm.  There is a newspaper article coming out about Peter, so watch for that soon.

Thank you all again,

Susan

Touchstone

Friends and family,

You may have seen this on Facebook already, but here it is from the Herald-Sun newspaper, where it ran today, one week after Peter's death on December 7th.

TOUCHSTONE

I wrote this originally when my mother died, and it was Peter's favorite column of all that I have written over 16 years.  When I realized I had a column due two days after Peter's death I asked my editor if we could run an older one (which I've never done before), and use that to announce Peter's death.  My kind editor agreed.

I remembered this column and was thankful to find it in my files.  What I didn't remember was how much Peter factored into it.  It turned out to be the perfect gift to him today, as he has been my biggest touchstone, and always will be.

In these days following his death I am learning more about myself than I thought I could at this age (I turned 60 on Wednesday).  And Peter is calling me to my best self as he always has.

http://www.heraldsun.com/chherald/chcolumnists/x761897579/Reflecting-on-the-touchstones-of-our-lives

Very soon I will write about yesterday's gathering in his honor.



Susan

A Gathering for Now, a Service Later

The family of Peter Kramer invites you to join us to visit, remember, snack and maybe play some music. Please drop by the farm anytime between 1 - 4pm on Saturday, December 13th. Bring instruments and voices if you like.

NOTE - Due to a shortage of parking, we ask that you park at the church on Lipscomb Grove Church Road and carpool down to the house.  We are working on getting a shuttle set up.  It is 4/10 of a mile if you care to make the walk.

A celebration to remember the life and musical legacy of Peter is being planned for the warmer weather of the Spring of 2015. Please check back for updates.

Gathering for Peter Kramer
Down Yonder Farm
Saturday, 12/13/14   |   Drop-in 1 - 4pm

Memorial celebration to follow in Spring

The Sad News

Beloved Friends and Family,

We are so sad to tell you that Peter died on Sunday, December 7^th.  He chose to spend his last hours on his beloved “nap sofa,” and he took his last breaths at 1:54 p.m. with Susan, Jessie, and Amanda gathered around him there, holding him and each other.   On Friday he had told his doctor, and us, that he was tired of fighting his disease and was ready to go.  As you know from the previous reports on this blog, he lived his last days to the fullest.

He woke on Friday wanting to try to go swim at the Sportplex.  In the end, a shower had to do, but it was a glorious shower and he kept telling me how good it felt and how much he appreciated it.  Water was always important to Peter, and you all know how much he loved his pond.  In his last hours he asked to be bathed repeatedly with icy water. 

A full obituary will be in the area papers (that he loved so much) and I will post a link here when that is done.  Also, by late today we will have information about a service for him posted here that will include ways you can help if you wish to.

I think it was on our second date that Peter started telling me what music he wanted played at his funeral.  Last week I sat down with him and wrote it all down (it had evolved a bit over the nearly 34 years).  THAT event will be a bash, held when the weather is warmer.

For now, those of you who want to respond by bringing food please use this link to coordinate:  http://www.takethemameal.com/meals.php?t=TKBN0268&v=51dc30ddc4.  

Many of you have asked about helping with chores, and that list will be forthcoming.  Nothing is needed at this time.  

To honor Peter with donations, we are pleased to tell you that prior to his death his family created The Down Yonder Fund for the Arts to carry on Peter’s example of generosity and hospitality for artists of all kinds.  Peter had the opportunity to add his voice to that vision.  We have a draft of a mission statement going and it will be along the lines of:

Following the example of generosity and hospitality exhibited through the life of Peter Kramer, the Down Yonder Fund for the Arts will utilize space and resources of Down Yonder Farm to foster the development of artists of all genres through:

·         Retreats, recording sessions, classes, and performances

·         Opportunities for collaboration and

·         The sharing of art forms that bring joy and healing to people

The “Down Yonder Fund” (the official title) will enable us to keep three buildings here on the farm in use for artists – The Music Building with its “Green Room” that many of you have enjoyed in different ways, The Writer’s Cabin, where some great writers have completed their books already, and new to the list is a tiny one-person cabin for overnight stays.  In addition to providing these spaces for use, the Down Yonder Fund will enable the necessary upfitting of these spaces with adequate restroom/cooking facilities and automobile access and parking. 

We will be working on fuller descriptions of these dreams and a budget in the new year, and many of you will be involved in the visioning.  But we are accepting donations and appreciate the Shared Visions Foundation for hosting the fund for us.

We will have an online giving mechanism in place soon.  For now you can further Peter’s Musical legacy by sending checks made out to “Shared Visions Foundation”  with “Down Yonder Fund for Peter Kramer” in the memo line.  The mailing address is Susan Gladin, P.O. Box 985, Hillsborough, NC   27278. 

Peter received such an outpouring of love from all of you in his last months and weeks.  His doctor, James Tulsky (see earlier posts about him) told Peter that he had never seen such an outpouring.  “I want you to know this is special,” he told Peter.

Thank you all for your incredible support.  I am off to the funeral home now and we will post more later.  Thank you again and again.

Susan

Blessed are the...confused

I learned that the bible text, "Blessed are the poor in spirit," actually means, when properly translated, "Blessed are the confused."  If that is true, then I am blessed.

As with life, the trajectory of illness is not a straight path, nor is the velocity of disease progression anything approaching steady.  It is, in short, confusing.  The ground shifts right under your feet.

"You've already outlived yourself several times," the doctor tells Peter.  But here we go again...gearing up, then letting down, only to be blindsided and rushing to gear-up again.

I don't know why this is, but as I think back over the last three years, the actual dates I recall were those that brought bad news:  Initial diagnosis on 11-17-2011, surgery on 3-13-2012, recurrent diagnosis on 10-31-2013, bad news scan on 8-04-2014, and, finally, "the cancer is asserting itself" on 11-24-14.  The good scans I remember more broadly, by month instead of date - May, October, April, then another good May.  

Between and among all those dates are so many highs and lows, but the highs win out in the unfolding of our lives with our wonderful family and host of friends.   Peter lived a full and active 13 months after the recurrence in October 2013, which beat all odds for his type of cancer. 

The Proton Beam Radiation he received in Philadelphia last February (along with cousin Joel Steiker's exquisite care) contributed to this good time, but even more so did Peter's active lifestyle and myriad deep friendships and good works on behalf of others.  He came home from Philadelphia and filled the shed with the wood we are burning to keep warm right now.  He jumped back into his music and his volunteer work and his life with his family close by.

Peter has become very sick very quickly, and is in Hospice Care here at home right now.  This IS confusing.  But his dunk in the pond last week (see previous post) is testimony to the spirit that has served him (and all of us) so well.  He is asking of all of us is to take good care of ourselves and each other as we move forward.

He can't take visitors or read email right now.  Please keep up here for updates.  Thank you all.

Dunk

These days it is hard to know what to write here, and then hard to remember what I have written to take off from.  The days are a bit of a blur.

Peter is very sick and very weak, but he pushes himself almost every day to do something meaningful.  One of those things is swimming.

Every time Peter has been injured (his back) or sick (especially 2012) he has brought himself back to well-being with exercise, particularly with swimming.  When two surgeons told him he'd need major back surgery he went to the pool, religiously, and never went under the knife.  As you can see by scrolling back a few posts, he was still splitting wood early this year.

Not being able to swim due to his bad shoulder (which is possibly getting radiation this week) has been hard for Peter.  But lately he's started going to the pool at the Sportsplex, and that is a healing event for him.  So we go.  I've taken him twice now, and our good friend Joe took him once.  Peter walks the laps, mostly, or kicks some on his back.  The walking that is required between the house and the pool seems harder on him than his time in the water.  That time is healing.

When Peter heard the forecast of a 70+ degree day today, an idea took root in his had.  He wanted to repeat his winter ritual of dunking himself in our pond.  I've watched him do this many times.  The water is so cold that it almost forces the air out of him as he descends the ladder.  The rule (his) says, "All the way to the top of your head."

"Just in and out," he kept saying when he presented this idea to me over the weekend.  "Two minutes total!" I checked with his doctor, sure I'd be told of potential dire consequences.  "I am not going to prohibit it," the good doctor said, "though I am sure that's not what you wanted to hear."

So the idea took hold.  I called the previously-mentioned good friend Joe Coates.  As a mechanical engineer I imagined he'd come up with a hoist to pull Peter out if needed.  Instead, he lay in bed the night before and thought of how to use his climbing rope as a safety measure.  Daughter Jessie signed on to photograph the event, and Peter's sister Karen was here from NY.  We all wore clothes suitable for swimming, though we all hoped we wouldn't have to.

I pulled out extra towels and even a wool blanket, but when he came up the ladder, the warm sun was all he needed as he sat on the deck seat and the chilly brown pond water pooled around his feet and evaporated into the bright blue sky.  Joe's rope remained a "just-in-case" measure, and no one else had to get wet.  I had the brief thought that I should go in, too.  But that thought evaporated like the pond water from Peter's skin.

Here are four of Jessie's beautiful photos, in sequence:

We drove him to and from the pond to conserve energy, and he spent the rest of the day on the sofa, much of it sleeping.

Tomorrow the trip to Duke will be tiring, but hopefully will bring him some pain relief.  We'll try to visit our friend Geoff Hathaway who is also getting treatment there.

Thanks to Joe, Karen, and Jessie for their help.  But mostly thanks to Peter for being such an inspiration.