Blowing In The Wind

This post begins below the dotted line, but first this reminder:

PeterFest

Saturday April 18, 2015

1 p.m. Memorial Service

Schley Grange Hall

3 p.m. Musical Celebration

Down Yonder Farm

Details to follow here soon

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I am a little late posting these, in part because of the strange circumstances that, well, erupted as our family gathered and spread Peter's ashes.

But before I tell that tale, we spread the ashes on March 14 when Peter's sister, Karen, was down here from New York.  We chose three of Peter's favorite places on the farm:  The Music Building (outside...no pictures),

The pond...

...and out in the woods where Peter felled trees and split wood to heat our home.  I've mentioned several times how much I appreciate all the wood he left to keep me warm this winter, with some left over for next.

The scattering was deeply moving, and sadder than I had expected.  It felt like another loss...another letting go of the physicality of the man I loved so much.  

Each of us chose a song to say or sing...since Peter tended to philosophize about life in song lyrics.  

Jessie chose "Drift Away:" 

Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul

I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away

Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul

I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away

Amanda chose "Landslide:"

I take my love, take it down

I climb a mountain and turn around

And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills

Will the landslide bring you down

Karen chose "Oh Mary Don't You Weep Don't You Moan:"

Brothers and sisters don't you cry
There'll be good times by and by
Pharaoh's army got drownded
O Mary don't weep

Well oh Mary don't you weep, don't mourn
O Mary don't you weep, don't mourn
Pharaoh's army got drownded
O Mary don't you weep

Alejandro chose "The River of Dreams:"

I'm not sure about a life after this
God knows I've never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
That runs to the promised land
In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the desert of truth
To the river so deep
We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We're all carried along
By the river of dreams
In the middle of the night

Matt chose "If I Had A Hammer," in part because Peter sang it to Levin:

Well I got a hammer,

And I got a bell,

And I got a song to sing, all over this land.

It's the hammer of Justice,

It's the bell of Freedom,

It's the song about Love between my brothers and my sisters,

All over this land.

And I chose a song that I've been singing softly to myself ever since Peter died.  If you've been through grief and mourning, you know that regret in intimately tied up with grief.  I have regretted so many opportunities and openings I didn't take; all the times I said "no," to an invitation when I could have said, "yes."  So my song was Tom Paxton's "The Last Thing On My Mind:"

As I lie in my bed in the mornin'
Without you, without you.
Every song in my breast lies a bornin'
Without you, without you.

Are you going away with no word of farewell
Will there be not a trace left behind
Well, I could've loved you better, didn't mean to be unkind
You know that was the last thing on my mind

Finally, what happened is that we were all felled by a stomach virus that hit the first of us during the scattering, had claimed three by the evening, and all but one by the following Monday.  I got the "lite" version of the acute phase, but the loss of energy following the bout lingered, and has made it harder than ever to get things done.  Fortunately we're all better now.

I'll be posting again soon with lots of details for PeterFest - the Memorial Service and Musical Celebration that is coming oh-so-soon.  Stay tuned.

Susan

"What Can I Do to Help?"

Several people have told me recently, "I really love your blog."  While I deeply appreciate the sentiment, I am always a little startled by the word "your."  This blog was started as a way of sharing Peter's journey through chemo, radiation, surgery, and hopefully remission of esophageal cancer--though it didn't turn out that way. Though I did write the bulk of it, Peter was always a part of that process until he left us last December.  I write now about things that pertain to him, and about grief. Still, it doesn't feel like my blog.

Learning to say "my" instead of "our," and "I" instead of, "we" is challenging.  Putting the word "farm" after "my" is especially difficult, because it will forever and always be ours.  I am grateful that the Down Yonder Fund for the Arts (DYFA) really makes it so.

Already bands are practicing, and the first DYFA concert is scheduled for April 24th - a return of the band Darlingside on the heels of PeterFest (April 18).  Darlingside was here with Heather Maloney's first appearance in 2013.  Read and listen to them (with Heather) here:  NYT "Woodstock"



When Peter died in December everyone asked, "What can I do to help?"  Daughter Jessie put together a meal list that was so helpful, and I want to thank (and list) all the people who brought delicious food to sustain me:  Charlie Layman and Randy Varnadore (they made my sad birthday special), Gayle Dauverd, Lee Smith, Bob Nutter, Robin and Moss Cohen, Loftin Wilson, Jennifer Jackson, Kim Anderson, Susannah Smith, Liz Dowling-Sendor, Heather and Phil Cook, Toni and Billy Stevens, Erica Rappaport and Rob Gringle, Stacey Curelop, Nancy Spencer, Amy Gorely and John Bemis, Jasmine Irvin, Emily and Jim Douglas, Marie Kulchinski and Dick Wiersma, and the 13-14 Johnson Interns.  On top of all this, Lynden Harris and Mary Anne Handy coordinated all the food for the huge gathering that we held out here on December 13.  I know that many of you all contributed to that effort, so thank you, thank you.  And if I missed anyone (and I probably did), please forgive me.

At that time, in the blur of losing Peter, I didn't have a to-do list at hand.  People were offering help before Peter died, and he and I had started working on a list --but I can't find that now.

But help has materialized without a list.  On January 31 a crew assembled with chain saws and splitting mauls to replenish the wood I'd been burning this year.  I can't tell you the number of times I've thanked Peter for the wood he left me.

This is what is left as of March 9th, 2015

When Peter got home from his Philadelphia treatment last year about this time he went right out into the woods to cut and split.  This is one of my favorite pictures of him from that time.

The 01/31 team (Rick Lonan, Frank Ferrell, Joe Coates, Matt Gladdek, and me) worked like energizer bunnies and at the end of the long day our driveway was lined with stacks of wood, most of it split by Matt who managed to keep up with the chain saws.  My job was hauling the brush into the woods (and I couldn't keep up).

With the help of a new front-end loader, Heather Ferrell and I brought in most of the wood on Sunday, and today Geoff Hathaway showed up to split another big pile.

Sadly I didn't take pictures on the 31st or Sunday with Heather (working too hard!) but here is the pile we've amassed so far (and there is more out on the driveway):

This is bigger than my car!

Just a small part of what Geoff split and stacked today

Waiting to be split

Bright and shiny new loader

The reason that the wood is in that huge pile and not stacked neatly inside, as Peter would have had it, is that the old woodshed needs repair.  As you can see, it is leaning (the winter winds took a toll), and the little lean-too needs to be taken off and re-built once the log barn is stabilized.

Much of that is professional work (and I've contacted a few folks for estimates), but this brings me back to the list, and what some people can do to help as we prepare for PeterFest, which is the name friends have given to the 4/18 memorial service and musical celebration. Other items on the list are to maintain the farm for DYFA and for others who enjoy it.

Many thanks to Red's Rhythm Band, which Peter played with for years, for volunteering to clean and spruce up the music building and even make new curtains.  That will be a HUGE help.

I'll list a few other needs below.  I've tried to find a website along the lines of "takethemameal," but nothing has worked out quite right.  So see the list below and email sgladin@gmail.com if you want to jump in.

I do also have a list of needs for professionals, so if you are one of those and want to help that way, let me know your skill.

And, as always, thank you!  Jessie, Amanda, and I hope to see all of you on the 18th. --Susan

THE LIST

TASK	VOLUNTEER(S)
Rake sweetgum balls/leaves
Pick up branches, clear rest of yard
Bring firewood in	SG/Heather Ferrell
Clean, update music building for PeterFest	Stacey and Red's Rhythm
Cut small trees around pond pasture fence
Repair tin roofs all over
Replace fluorescent tubes in various buildings
Hang blinds	B. Robertson/Susan
Clear brush/leaves off of driveway
Organize food for PeterFest
Organize parking for PeterFest

"But since it fell unto my lot...That I should rise and you should not" --A Peter-full Weekend

Though 10 weeks have passed, most days I hit a place where I am shocked to remember that Peter is gone.  The days since December 7th seem like no-time and yet forever.  

But some days, like this past Saturday and Sunday, make it feel like Peter isn't very far away at all.

The first event of the weekend was on Saturday - the ninth Murphey School Radio Show.  Peter was a big part of this group from the very beginning, serving as an incredible publicist, but also playing guitar and harmonica and performing in a variety of ways.  His last show was November 8th, at the beginning of his rapid health decline.  He had a horrific coughing spell right before he left for the first of two shows that Saturday and I didn't think he'd make it through.  I went early for the second show to check on him.

In the "Green Room" between shows at the November 2014 Murphey School Radio Show

He had made it through the first show and was resting for the second.  He was in good spirits, and then played what I think was his best harmonica solo ever.  He just gave it is all with Jennifer Evans.

November 2014 Murphey School Radio Show

At this past Saturday night's show they gave a beautiful tribute to Peter that was both heartfelt and funny, as Peter would have wanted it to be.  Georgeanne Eubanks remarked on Peter's persistence, and said that he'd reminded her that there was only one letter's difference between "Peter" and "Pester."

Then the 7-woman acapella group Stella sang a beautiful rendition of "Parting Glass."  Here is the song graciously shared by Donna Campbell and Stella. I will also put the lyrics at the end of this post.


 
Below you will hear Georgeanne Eubanks give her dedication to Peter, and then our old friend Alice Gerrard performed "Goodbyes" with Laurelyn Dossett on harmonies:



The link below is a version that Alice did with Phil Cook, who recorded her Emmy-nominated album here at Down Yonder Farm.

 "Goodbyes" Alice Gerrard and Phil Cook

In some after-the-show email correspondence, Kevin Ginsberg, not knowing that Peter loved anagrams (and worked them out in his head constantly), sent several possible anagrams of Peter's name, my favorite of which was "Mr. Art Keeper."  I think that is what the Down Yonder Fund for the Arts will have as its goal.

It was a joyful night and a sad one, as so much of life is mixed like that these days.  I thank everyone from the MSRS for all that they have done for Peter and for me.  If you don't know about this show, visit murpheyschoolradio.net. 

Moving right along...

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Jessie, Amanda, Levin, and I met for lunch on Sunday to start planning what is being called "PeterFest." This event will be composed of a Memorial Service and, immediately following, a Musical Celebration that was largely planned by Peter.  More information will follow, but the date is April 18th and the start time is 1:00 p.m.  Please help us share this with anyone who knew Peter.

I left our gathering in Durham to drive to Hillsborough for the 25th Anniversary of the Pauli Murray Awards, given by the Orange County Human Relations Commission--in the building where Peter worked as a counselor for so many years.

Peter was the 2001 recipient of the Pauli Murray Award, and this was, undoubtedly, one of the things he was most proud of.  

I remember that day well because of what Peter said in his acceptance speech.  He claimed that he'd "won the lottery" when I agreed to marry him.  I was so surprised by that statement, but later he said (jokingly) that it was just a ploy to meet women --because they are always attracted to men who love their wives. Typical Peter, but I never forgot that he said that.

Peter would want us all to be thinking about good nominees for the award in the future, so here's the link if you know someone fitting. 

Pauli Murray Award Nomination Form

I am always amazed when people cry with me.  That happened after the MSRS when a number of us had tears falling.  But it happened also at the Pauli Murray event when I ran into someone that we both knew, but not that well.  She didn't recognize me at first with my short hair, but when I said my name tears welled quickly in her eyes, and then in mine.  Some people are just so tender.  I still fight tears, but I am learning to let them come.

The final event of the weekend was to go see "Motown" with friends Joe and Geri Coates.  The task of the evening, for all of us, was to figure out if Peter would have liked the show or not.  I'd love to hear his music friends chime in on this, as I still don't know.  What I DO know is that if Peter had been sitting there beside me in the theater he'd have been whispering to me non-stop....elaborating more fully on who someone was or what other things happened that the show did not portray, and he'd have no doubt discovered mistakes from his rolodex memory of musical factoids.  I think he'd have been blown away by the theatrical aspects of the show...so fast-paced, and so much music and story from a relatively small cast. And this was their second show of the night!

Well, as promised, this long post DID end and here are the lyrics to "Parting Glass."  I'll get the words to "Goodbyes" up asap.  Check back soon.

THE PARTING GLASS

"The Parting Glass"

Of all the money that e'er I had
I've spent it in good company
And all the harm that e'er I've done
Alas it was to none but me
And all I've done for want of wit
To memory now I can't recall
So fill to me the parting glass
Good night and joy be with you all

Of all the comrades that e'er I had
They are sorry for my going away
And all the sweethearts that e'er I had
They would wish me one more day to stay
But since it falls unto my lot
That I should rise and you should not
I'll gently rise and I'll softly call
Good night and joy be with you all

GOOD NIGHT AND JOY BE WITH YOU ALL

Susan

Peace Cranes on the Pond (Paper Cranes)

I am not sure what to post here anymore, except for information about PeterFest (Memorial Service and Musical Celebration) and other events related to Peter and the Down Yonder Fund.

But I write a bi-weekly newspaper column and sometimes they're about Peter, or about the aftermath of his death.  The one I wrote two weeks ago was one of those, and I wanted to post it here.

http://www.heraldsun.com/chherald/chcolumnists/gladin/x681774110/Rituals-can-guide-us-through-our-most-difficult-days

It is about the paper cranes that I've been folding and taking to the pond, so here are a few photos and one video of them--and a photo of a REAL crane (heron) on our pond..  Enjoy.

Peter Kramer Day at the American Red Cross

Thanks to Holli Crawford Patillo for the idea to have a "Peter Kramer Day" at the American Red Cross, where Peter was a regular platelet donor until his disease made him ineligible.  He kept count of how many times he'd given, and I am sorry I don't have that number. 

Peter also worked hard to recruit platelet donors.  I'd like to think he's still at it through Holli's effort.  If you're ever so inclined, when you call the American Red Cross in Durham, tell them Peter Kramer sent you.  They'll believe you.  

Thanks to all who signed up and all who came--both to donate and to offer support...that would be (and please let me know if I missed someone) -- Holli, Jay Cunningham, Joy Javits, Rick Keena, Donna Campbell, Leon Patillo, Geoff Hathaway, Stacey Curelop, and Gordon Neville.  Lots of regular donors at the Red Cross showed up, too.  I am sorry I don't have all their names.

But the staff did SUCH a great job!  Take a look:

Art by Kayla Honeycutt

Food  was donated by Janice Welch, Diana Hicks, Rosie Todorova. Stacey Curelop and Mary Spradlin.  I wish I had a picture of the spread!

Here are a couple other pictures.  Obviously I wasn't up taking them!

Susan, Geoff Hathaway, Leon Patillo, and Holli Crawford Patillo

Gordon Neville (donor) and Mary Spradlin (right).  I am sad I don't remember the names of the other two...both had recruited with Peter and both donated in his memory.

Staff who worked that day were:  Stefana Angelova, Kayla Honeycutt, Nicole Baker,Janice Welch, Arthur Roland, Heather Welliver, Diana Hicks, and Mary.

Recruitment Staff who reached out to and assisted the donors in scheduling an appointment were Michael Williams, Barry McKillop, and Erica Potts.

The butterfly art piece was made by Kayla Honeycutt.

Finally, here is a photo of Peter himself donating some years ago.  He wrote the story, and the Red Cross had it framed for him.

REMEMBER!  PeterFest is scheduled for April 18, 2015, starting at 1:00 p.m.  

Details to follow as they unfold!

Platelets for Peter (2/10/15), PeterFest (4/18/15), and Peter's Mom

Greetings,

It has been a long few weeks...8 as of this past Sunday.  The time has gone slowly.  The time has flown.  Time doesn't seem like itself anymore.

I haven't known how to use this blog going forward.  Perhaps it will find its own use as plans unfold for the Down Yonder Fund for the Arts, and also for PeterFest.  But first...

PLATELETS FOR PETER - February 10th

Most of you know that Peter was a regular platelet donor at the Red Cross.  Not only did he give, but he recruited donors and at times organized friends (and family) to donate at the same time...a kind of party atmosphere.

Our good friend Holli Crawford and the Red Cross' Mary Spradlin teamed up to schedule another such event for Peter on February 10th.  DONORS ARE STILL NEEDED.  Here is the information:

The Red Cross is planning a Platelet Donation Day as a memorial for our friend, Peter Kramer, on Tuesday, February 10, 2015, at the American Red Cross Donation Center in Durham. This promises to be a day filled with food, music, and fond remembrances of Peter. Please join us on this day with a platelet donation in his honor. We have openings from 7 am to 2 pm. Please reply to this email (barry.mckillop@redcross.org) with a time that fits your schedule and I will respond with a slot as close to your request as possible. Help us to make this a loving and sharing day for Peter’s family and friends.

For those who have never donated platelets, they mainly are used to help cancer patients. The donation starts out just like whole blood, but instead of taking a pint of blood, we only take a quarter cup of platelets from the blood stream thru a filter method and then we reintroduce all the remaining blood products which include your white and red cells and most of your plasma back to your body thru your other arm. Please plan to spend about 2.5 to 3 hours with us that day. While doing the donation however, you are given the ability to watch TV or a movie of your choosing as you have your own video screen and headphones at your donation chair. You may also talk and share memories of Peter.

You should eat a good meal the night before and breakfast and get a good night’s rest. Also, drink plenty of water a few days before coming in and try to increase your calcium intake by eating more yogurts, milk and ice cream. To make sure your iron is ok, try not to drink any caffeine products the day before or the day of. You must also refrain from all aspirin products or any antibiotics 2 full days prior to coming in and bring a picture ID. We look forward to seeing you on February 10th..
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PETERFEST 2015 - April 18th, 1:00 p.m.

I think it was on our second date that Peter started telling me what music he wanted played at his funeral.  He has added and subtracted some over the years, but the list has stayed pretty consistent.  Does anyone know Dickie Betts?  Peter really wanted him to come play Blue Sky.  In lieu of that, I have a list that Peter gave me in late November.  

We could not pull this together for the gathering that took place 12/13 (thanks to all of you who came) and since we had to wait, we decided to wait for spring and outdoor weather.

So, we have a date and we have a time - Saturday April 18th, starting at 1 p.m.  The afternoon will consist of a service and then a re-gathering at the farm, much like the event of 12/13/14 but with more structure this time.  We're calling it PeterFest!

More details will follow.  Please email downyonderfarm@gmail.com with your name and email address to be sure that we have you on the list to get information.
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SUNNY GINZBERG DRIMMER 02-23-1926 TO 01-28-2015

We are sad to report that Peter's mother, Sonia (Sunny) Ginzberg Drimmer died early on the morning of January 28th.  Sunny was a delightful person, a grandmother par excellence, and a loving mother-in-law who checked in on me frequently following Peter's death.  Peter's ability to remember song lyrics no-doubt came from his mother who knew every show tune ever written.

Sunny called me on the 27th, and Jessie spoke with her that afternoon as well.  She made a solo trip down in September to meet her great-grandson, Levin.  That turned out to be the last time she saw Peter.  Sunny will be sorely missed, and our thoughts are with her daughter, Karen, her granddaughters Jessie and Amanda, with her brother, David, and her sisters-in-law, neices, and nephews.

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Thank you all for keeping up with the blog.

The Gathering

I think that the adage, "build it and they will come" applies to this day (Saturday the 13th) and this place.

Peter (and I) built it (with a little help from friends), and Jessie, Amanda, and I just offered an invitation  to gather and remember Peter.  

You came.  The weather was perfect, and all day I felt more happy than sad because I knew Peter would be so thrilled with the crowds and the music and the conversations and the food (Thank you Lynden, Mary Ann, Ori, Geoff, and all the others who helped and brought food and played music).

We have 170 names of guests collected so far but I keep remembering faces and people I spoke with and then realizing that these names weren't in the guest book.  So, if you were here but didn't sign the guest register, please let me know!  Even if we spoke that day, please remind me that you were here.

Along with the guest book, we had a beautiful Memory Tree created by our dear friend Holli Crawford Patillo.  If you didn't get a chance to write a note, feel free to send one to the address given below, and I'll get it on the tree.  This might just serve as my Christmas Tree this year. 

My only regret was not being able to be in two places at once....both in the music barn, and out among the friends who were here.  Jessie, Amanda, and I are all so blessed to have you in our lives.

The music that I did hear was spectacular, and people kept coming up to me wide-eyed over the quality of what music was coming out of the barn.

Here are a few pictures from Saturday, December 13th:  

We plan to keep the music going through the Down Yonder Fund, started to honor and continue Peter's legacy of generosity and hospitality.  

Among the creative things that have happened out here are album recordings.  Hiss Golden Messenger's Lateness of Dancers is topping the charts.  They played on Letterman on 11/18 and just toured all over Europe (http://www.mergerecords.com/hiss-golden-messenger).  

Yep, that album was recorded right here along with Alice Gerrard's Follow The Music, which has been nominated for a grammy.

So far close to $5,000 has been donated to the Down Yonder Fund.  Peter had the opportunity to add his voice to this vision.  We have a draft of a mission statement going and it will be along the lines of:

Following the example of generosity and hospitality exhibited through the life of Peter Kramer, the Down Yonder Fund for the Arts will utilize space and resources of Down Yonder Farm to foster the development of artists of all genres through:

·         Retreats, recording sessions, classes, and performances

·         Opportunities for collaboration and

·         The sharing of art forms that bring joy and healing to people

The “Down Yonder Fund” (the official title) will enable us to keep three buildings here on the farm in use for artists – The Music Building with its “Green Room” that many of you have enjoyed in different ways, The Writer’s Cabin, where some great writers have completed their books already, and new to the list is a tiny one-person cabin for overnight stays.  In addition to providing these spaces for use, the Down Yonder Fund will enable the necessary upfitting of these spaces with adequate restroom/cooking facilities and automobile access and parking. 

We will be working on fuller descriptions of these dreams and a budget in the new year, and many of you will be involved in the visioning.  But we are accepting donations and appreciate the Shared Visions Foundation for hosting the fund for us.

We have an online giving mechanism in place that you will see to the right of this post.  You can further Peter’s Musical legacy by sending checks made out to “Shared Visions Foundation”  with “Down Yonder Fund for Peter Kramer” in the memo line.  The mailing address is Susan Gladin, P.O. Box 985, Hillsborough, NC   27278. 

I don't know how this blog will be used in the future except to give you updates on the upcoming memorial service (date to be determined after the holidays) and news about events here on the farm.  There is a newspaper article coming out about Peter, so watch for that soon.

Thank you all again,

Susan